I moved to an island paradise and felt caged. Here’s how I freed myself.

It was another day in Maldivian paradise.

 “May I sit there?” I pointed to a table under a bright green parasol overlooking the turquoise sea.

It was 7am and the restaurant was empty. Unlike the serene ocean, my heart thumping because I already knew what he was going to say.

“Those tables are for guests. You can sit here,” he said, leading me to the least desirable table in the restaurant. He wasn’t incorrect to do so, but it was early and I had planned to dine-and-dash well before any guests arrived.

Welcome to island resort living! It’s not all luxury unless you’re paying for it.



I was paying for it, not with dollars, but with my freedom.

If you know me, you’ll know that I value spontaneity, community and free expression and living. I’ve never been one to plan a meal in advance or craft a 5-year-plan.

Living on a one-resort island, however, meant no cafes to wander into, no yoga classes to choose from, no community to connect with. After about two weeks of moving to the island, the isolation and loneliness weighed on me, pushing me into “flight” mode. I coped by booking trips back to Malaysia, desperate to escape the boredom and see my family and friends. But it wasn’t a solution as each return brought the same restlessness.

Loneliness drove me to my devices. Social media and chat messaging became constant companions, a rabbit hole I couldn’t escape. I felt a growing internal unhappiness and this reflected into my external world.

“What’s missing?” I wondered, too scared to face the answer.

I soothed the fear daily.

I over-caffeinated myself and doom-scrolled the hours away. I got stressed at the littlest things, became needy for my partner’s attention which resulted in more unhappiness and arguments.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of being caged in and restricted although I was living in the middle of the Indian Ocean! Watching schools of fish on my morning snorkels only reminded me of the emptiness I felt inside.


Then, an opportunity to lead a yoga retreat on a neighbouring island came. I said Yes. I wanted a change.

****

But one morning, while preparing for a snorkelling trip, I found myself feeling disenchanted with the thought of getting on the boat.
I was tired from teaching the past few days and I wished myself to be free from obligations, snooze-ing in a breezy hammock instead of having to bear the heat to see yet another ‘amazing’ sea turtle, something that had become as regular to me seeing the sun rise and set each day.

In the water, longing for some freedom from responsibility, I kept my distance from the group. Floating along while dreaming of being in a hammock instead, kept me so distracted that I barely noticed a large sea turtle swimming in my direction. As I looked up, it stopped a few meters away. I stayed still, my breath even, as it could deep dive at any time.

Neither of us moved. But then slowly, as if being pulled by a magnet, I drifted towards this intriguing turtle until we were so close, we locked eyes. Its glossy, almond-shaped beady eyes stared into mine. Its body calm and unhurried.

The first few seconds seemed to last hours.

My exaggerated inhales turned into long, heavy exhales as I felt myself oddly, begin to feel self-conscious before this ancient, leathery sea creature.

I was now conscious of the heat on my cheeks.

My throat tightened into a lump.

My stomach opened to hollowness .

My heart pounded in anticipation.

“What is going on with this turtle?”, panic asked.
 
There was no answer, except that beady, unwavering gaze that now gave off a tenderness and compassion that I had been longing for so long.

I let out a long exhale as hot tears blurred my gaze. They rolled down my cheeks dripping off my lips, their saltiness out of reach because of the snorkel in my mouth. A loud nasally sniff followed.

I needed to clear my steamy mask and as I turned my head to the sky to lift it for some air, a voice came to me.

 “How could I have forgotten?” I have everything within me”, calmness said.

 ****

That day, I emerged from the water feeling different. Peaceful, grounded, and light-hearted, I knew I’d be okay in the Maldives. I finished the retreat with immense gratitude. When I returned to the resort, I lived differently—more compassionately, more present, and more attuned to my body’s needs. (less coffee, more movement).

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling frustrated or annoyed that your current living environment is offering you the support, freedom or joy you crave, I’m here to let you know that I see you. 



If you’re a ‘traveling spouse or partner’ or moving with family, let’s be frank, once the honeymoon phase ends, reality can be harsh. You might find yourself asking, “What about me?”

 Facing this question can be daunting. And you may need time to find your purpose again.


Here are my tips to create self-love and connect with yourself so you can find the inspiration and motivation to live in your new environment with purpose and joy:

1. Go into nature: find an accessible garden, hike, walk, beach or park. Nature regulates stress and anxiety and helps you feel present so you can gain more clarity and compassion for yourself


2.  Move your body: our minds will always give us reasons to stay in our comfort zone, as its job is to keep us ‘safe’. The best way to break this pattern is to move your body because it stores emotions, sensations and memories which need to be expressed.
Exercise, running, swimming, walking, yoga, dance - anything that gets you moving will make you feel more confident, connected and inspired after!


3. Sound healing: express yourself with sighing out loud, moaning, vocal toning, powerful breaths or yelling - all great to release tension and stress. This helps soothe your nervous system and develop a stronger connection to self-love.

4.  Asking for support: this is often de-prioritised because we’re used to being fixers. But asking for support from a trusted friend, your parner, a good listener, mentor or coach will help you see your blind spots and the situation from a different perspective. Also, voicing your thoughts and feelings can change how you want to deal with them and it also trains you to express yourself authentically by asking for what you need.



5. Self-love first, then action: speak kindly to yourself away from judgement and criticism to keep your self-love cup filled, helps you stay curious and open instead of stressed and anxious.  A state of openness helps inspire action to take steps to make your new environment enjoyable.


****

The more I practiced implementing these tools on a daily basis, the easier living on the ‘island cage’ became for me. I found new passion in studying psychotherapy which led me to studying and certifying in coaching.

I began sharing my deep love for gong sound baths privately and then eventually to resort guests at the spa and I became a dedicated early-riser (a habit I had always wanted to cultivate) to enjoy the stunning sunrises and peacefulness on the island before most people woke. 

*** 

I profoundly remember mornings on the beach, walking freely in the turquoise waves, the breeze from the sea on my skin, feeling immensely grateful after enjoying a beautiful meal by the ocean, pinching myself for glee and thinking, “Everything I need is right here. I have it all.”


And just like that, I became free.